Back on track. 1/20/2021
I'm progressing with my book, A Boy in the Shed, not necessarily in word count but in direction. I watched some writing YouTube videos and discovered I made many mistakes that must be reworked. I don't mind making mistakes that can be corrected in draft two, but a lot of the noob stuff could keep me from being taken seriously or even published if that opportunity came about. So, it must be rooted out now rather than suffer the consequences later.
On top of that, I have 75 percent of the "Kara" movie done in my head. I need to determine if the antagonist is the correct one to use because it complicates the story. I'm also debating if I should start writing the script for that, but it's only possible to make it if I can get myself to a certain point in my career. Is it worth it to have it completed? I would rather have it in my imagination than in a concrete form like a script. The disappointment of not being able to make it would be my undoing.
My confidence is boosted as I feel more focus and determination trickling in. Finally. Focusing on writing and storytelling was a wise move instead of whoring over filmmaking. It feels pure and comes from a more truthful place.
I'm still struggling with letting go of the past and keeping particular doors shut. Constantly looking back and wondering "What if" is incredibly hindering and, with some memories, destructive. I'll never forget what happened a few days ago for the rest of my life. I drowned in the grief and longing for this different version of my life that I felt was robbed of me. I wanted to avoid going into detail on the blog, but I'll keep a long story short to own up to these things. Whitney sent me a link to a website that catalogs graduating class yearbooks, and as I was looking up Winter Springs, the little persuasive voice told me to go look up another...
I know I shouldn't have, but now, in retrospect, I'm glad I did. It was like a reality check, and it took me to look up other things (I'm being deliberately vague) to bring me back. I cried...A lot.
A long time ago, I was forced to take an exit on the road of life and ended up on a more fragile, unpaved road, overgrown with mistakes and bad decisions. Instead of owning up to the situation and looking toward the journey ahead, I kept my sights on the road I felt I was supposed to be on. If I dared to keep my eyes forward, I would have seen the obvious: All roads eventually lead to your final destination.
My life sucks, but I'm ready to finally change it.
