I’m a Master. 5/19/2021

I'm a God-tier master procrastinator. Crippling, deliberate procrastination. 

I have a masterclass YouTube video on acting by Micheal Caine playing in the background. It's from the 70s or maybe early 80s. I don't have any real aspirations for acting, but the video is pleasant and helps with directing. I've read that to be a better director, one who aspires for such should join an acting class to learn the nuances of the craft. I'll never do it because:

I make goals and can't even bother to complete them. That's my life now, and it's always been that way. It's embarrassing, really. I don't wear clothes; my shame keeps me warm and cozy. Every morning, I put on multiple layers and grimace as my peers and strangers turn their noses at the sight of it.

No one is going to help me. I keep looking for a savior to pull me from this hamster wheel of mediocrity, a helping hand, and a firm grip on productivity, but I can only see the backs of the fleeing successful. They won't turn around, and I don't blame them. They're on the fast track to their future lives and careers. 

If you've read this blog from the beginning, you've concluded why I'm in this situation. I get a brief moment of clarity, excitement, and focus. Two weeks, usually, then it starts to give way to distraction. Once I'm distracted, depression comes in for the tap-out. Once I get my breath away from it, I try to pick up the pieces, but it takes forever to recover and start over.

The last time I wrote The Boy in the Shed was April. Remember my 500 words a day? That never happened. 

Also, I never streamed on Twitch. Do you see what I mean?

I feel a bit cold. I pulled the blanket of shame and wrapped myself snuggly. 

It's warm, and it lulls me to sleep.