Two Day Hangover 3/13/2021

I'm not joking or exaggerating.

I'm finally recovering from a two-day hangover. I had an oopsie with Jerm. What was supposed to be a simple hangout at Austin's Coffee ended up as a drunken night filled with cocaine, exposed ball sacks, and arguments in the middle of a quiet street. I couldn't move the next day, not even to feed myself. I lay in bed, under my covers, in pure, painful anguish. FUCK.

I gave up that shit months ago. I was doing well, uninterested in repeating those awful booze and coke-filled evenings. The problem was I just wanted to hang out with Jerm. He's my bud of a billion years, and I'm trying to learn how to manage and maintain friendships. It's a character flaw I have that makes me a horrible friend. You'll never see me again if you don't ask me to hang out.

Now the problem is this: Every time I hang out with Jerm, I get drunk out of my mind. This has become a persistent pattern that the only way I can think to break is to stop hanging out with him. I don't want to go to bars anymore at all, ever. For some reason, I also lose all self-control when I go into a social environment like that. Even though I don't want to get drunk, I can't say no. I end up buying drinks, then all hell breaks loose. WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN? Am I an addict? I can cut it cold turkey, but then if I'm in that nightlife environment, I must, I NEED, to get coke because drinking without coke is boring.

But then, how do I maintain a friendship with the guy? I have no idea. What do grownups do when they hang out with friends? They go to fucking bars, bruh. Or to sports games. Well, last time I went to a soccer game with him and other friends, we got coke after and obviously got drunk later. I tried hinting at him that I was done going to bars, but he didn't mind. Rightfully, going to bars isn't inherently wrong, and he's a grown man who should be able to do what he wants. I just don't know what to do. But now, I will never step into a bar again.

Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit.

I sent Whitney a chapter from Boy in the Shed. She REALLY likes it and observed that my writing has improved a lot. I really needed to hear that. She's eager for me to finish it.

What's The Matter Skeeter Jones, an experimental film I did a few years back, won a rinky-dink Indian film fest last week. At least I have that going for me.